dear Beanie,
you know I love you and would do anything in the world that i could for you. but this having to sit here and wait for you to realize that you are killing yourself is going to kill me. i understand that you have your mother to worry about and i understand that you need some time to have to not think about it. but this whole drinking, smoking, popping pills and staying out all night is going to kill you. if i was a better friend i would be able to tell you this to your face but i'm chicken shit because i know that if i even try to bring it up you will stop talking to me and i can't live with that. i just can't. i just want you to understand what you are doing. think about your family and all your friends. i don't mean the ones that give you all this stuff and urge you on. i mean the friends that will be that after the fact to help console your family. the ones that will visit mom everyday til she wakes up so she will know she is still loved and still has a part of you in us. the ones that would do anything in the world for you. think about the one person that actully have the balls to tell you to your face that you are fucking up and that you are fucking up bad. i pray that i will be this person but it will take a miracle to get me to do this because i don't want to lose you.ever. you are my best friend. you are the sister i never got to have please don't leave me and your family for this stupid shit. stay. run from the drugs and the alcohol. please. i beg you to just think about what you are doing.
i love you.
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