sad

i've been getting sad a lot more lately. i don't even know why sometimes i just sit there and i guess there are just so many thoughts zooming thru my mind that it just bums me out. like the whole emily situation. i mean it just makes me go back to when me and chris had broken up and how absolutely lost i felt. people just don't seem to understand how much that really effected me. there were so many times that i thought maybe i should just end it and make this suffering stop but thankfully my brothers and mom and dad and even chris popped into my head and made me remember that they would be left with questions that not even i could answer so i just made myself make it thru the day and then the next day and so forth. right now i'm just really bummed and i see no reason to be. i mean i'm extremely happy with my life and the people in it. i'm a little disappointed at myself for not trying well enough in school but whatever you can't change the past. and to tell you the truth i wouldn't want to. i'm thankful for the fact that i had to go thru that crummy breakup and all the thoughts cuz now i know that i'm strong enough. i can do whatever i put my mind to i just need to stick to it. but now i'm going to go read and possible fall asleep. have to babysit tomorrow. joy joy